Early midlife crisis?
I'm so worried if I or my husband will have midlife crisis.
I'm not even getting married but I overthink everything just now.
Thanks to my menstrual period, I got more anxiety than ever.
Well, welcome to 2020!
I'll be 25 y.o. on August, and pretty sure won't change so much within this year.
Still pathetic, kinda cute girl, having too much tought about this world
Good bye to all optimism I had to get married this year.
I even not sure with whom I'm getting married.
I'm still with that squishy-troublesome baby, Rahmana.
Even though I hate him so much, but dunno why still have soft spot for him deep down in my heart,
This kind of love-hate relationship drives me crazy,
The only reason of my suicidal thought is actually him, not my ex or any random guy, or even day to day confusion on how my money was gone so quick
Rahmana is always there helping, eventhough most of the time he acts like a prick
My heart said yes to him, but my brain definitely said no.
My brain just love to keep the inner peace inside me, while he always messing around and makes me losing my life balance.
He won my heart, well, everyone who is funny or smart or handsome won my heart.
But fortunately my brain plays a great role to save my ass.
Rahmana greatly a funny guy, and also smart when debating something that he loved, and to be fair, his face is quite tempting if you see him close.
But he has to work on his temper.
He has many many things to work on.
So he can stop hurting himself and any other people, especially me!!
On the other hand, things happened between me and my ex.
No, hold your horse, no babe, we don't make up.
I did make up many times on my dream.
But irl, of course we don't.
He even never call or text me first after break up, what a cold-hearted man.
In contrary, I miss him.
If I woke up until 3am, nothing filled up my head but him.
And, I won't lie to myself.
I will accept everything I feel right now as a part of me become a grown up.
I won't deny things because it never helped.
As a human being, as a woman, as a lover, I understand that my heart has its time to recover.
I believe one day if I met him somewhere, I'll be happy seeing him as an old friend.
Someone who contribute all these wisdom I have now.
Beside, we had met last year, at the end of 2019.
I forgot the date, but still remember the feeling.
Even he broke my heart into pieces, and I thought I will cry everytime seeing his face,
in fact I was happy.
I was so glad to see him, talk with him face to face.
I miss him so bad so I can get over all my broken heart.
Dunno, think my brain was shut down that time.
We talked till morning, and something warm filling my chest everytime I remember that moment.
But well, let's face it.
Everything we had in the past, he had move on.
And I have a boy who giving his all, to help me move on too.
And look at me know.
Almost 2 years and still keep this feeling to that bastard.
I really hate this feeling.
I hate that I miss my ex, I hate that I hurt my boy, and I hate that my boy not gonna leave me even he knows this shit.
He's just a pure bucin at its finest.
That's makes me so freakin guilty to take this advadtage from him.
I don't even know why on earth he fall in love with me.
All of his ex-es are prettier than me (plus having more followers, and think they are all so damn rich)
But he chose me, the average girl who take soo long to move on.
Pity you, Rahmantul.
To be honest, my luvly boy has grown so much compared with the one I met on 2018.
I mean, of course he still fluffy and bouncy, but he tried his best to be my ideal type.
In 2018, he was only an average boy doing easy peasy at work, and talking too much.
Even my manager recommend another guy for me to date.
He easily angry with small things and open my phone, then getting angry even more.
It really took me a full year to finally open my heart to him.
As the time goes by, he learned so much and develop his own career and continue his edu.
U know he is getting better day by day, THANKS TO ME, HA!
And I was getting selfish, like "If I break up with him now, there will be a lucky girl who enjoyed my hard work"
So, I cannot let him go, because I invested so much on him.
Plus, his massage is a miracle, I love his squishy hand on my back so much.
But back to the first paragraph that I wrote.
Since I got into more serious relationship, seems like Rahmana is the only candidate for me.
He's like durian, some people love him so much and the rest hate him like hell.
Although durian has its spine, if you look inside, it just a juicy sweet fruit.
Just like Rahmana, this sweet and fragile little boy, who have so many insecury even before his 25, has more chance to get midlife crisis in his 40.
So, if I got married with hi, I'm so worried if I or my husband will have midlife crisis.
Here's some sign & symptom of midlife crisis :
But I feel like both of us is the type who will feel this pain even before 40.
I was like, do we both need to have someone who is more calm and logic to be save us through the crisis?
Is it really you for me, for my entire life?
And is it really me who will accompany you till your last breath?
But everytime I saw his bright smile on his quite-handsome-face, all these worries are disappear.
I'm not even thinking about my ex anymore.
Like "go to hell you evil spirit!"
And I will hug this fluffy creature, a mixture of doraemon and sinchan.
He was just magically lovable.
So to summarize all these bullshit I wrote during working hour (thanks to pricematch team),
I love my squishy boyfriend, but still have certain feeling about my ex.
Not sure if it was only the residue of our memories, or only my curiosity to get him back and enslave him as revenge.
I know my boyfriend will never be my ideal type, because ideal type is only a bullshit you got after you watch too much K-drama.
I also know I have so much weakness that I have to work on before I complained too much to him.
For you guys who have ambiguous feeling about someone, just don't deny that.
Don't force yourself to much to understand your feeling, and become stressful about that.
Just be honest with your own feeling, accept it.
And after you finally in peace, your brain can start working and helping you figure things out.
Cheers from me!
I'm not even getting married but I overthink everything just now.
Thanks to my menstrual period, I got more anxiety than ever.
Well, welcome to 2020!
I'll be 25 y.o. on August, and pretty sure won't change so much within this year.
Still pathetic, kinda cute girl, having too much tought about this world
Good bye to all optimism I had to get married this year.
I even not sure with whom I'm getting married.
I'm still with that squishy-troublesome baby, Rahmana.
Even though I hate him so much, but dunno why still have soft spot for him deep down in my heart,
This kind of love-hate relationship drives me crazy,
The only reason of my suicidal thought is actually him, not my ex or any random guy, or even day to day confusion on how my money was gone so quick
Rahmana is always there helping, eventhough most of the time he acts like a prick
My heart said yes to him, but my brain definitely said no.
My brain just love to keep the inner peace inside me, while he always messing around and makes me losing my life balance.
He won my heart, well, everyone who is funny or smart or handsome won my heart.
But fortunately my brain plays a great role to save my ass.
Rahmana greatly a funny guy, and also smart when debating something that he loved, and to be fair, his face is quite tempting if you see him close.
But he has to work on his temper.
He has many many things to work on.
So he can stop hurting himself and any other people, especially me!!
On the other hand, things happened between me and my ex.
No, hold your horse, no babe, we don't make up.
I did make up many times on my dream.
But irl, of course we don't.
He even never call or text me first after break up, what a cold-hearted man.
In contrary, I miss him.
If I woke up until 3am, nothing filled up my head but him.
And, I won't lie to myself.
I will accept everything I feel right now as a part of me become a grown up.
I won't deny things because it never helped.
As a human being, as a woman, as a lover, I understand that my heart has its time to recover.
I believe one day if I met him somewhere, I'll be happy seeing him as an old friend.
Someone who contribute all these wisdom I have now.
Beside, we had met last year, at the end of 2019.
I forgot the date, but still remember the feeling.
Even he broke my heart into pieces, and I thought I will cry everytime seeing his face,
in fact I was happy.
I was so glad to see him, talk with him face to face.
I miss him so bad so I can get over all my broken heart.
Dunno, think my brain was shut down that time.
We talked till morning, and something warm filling my chest everytime I remember that moment.
But well, let's face it.
Everything we had in the past, he had move on.
And I have a boy who giving his all, to help me move on too.
And look at me know.
Almost 2 years and still keep this feeling to that bastard.
I really hate this feeling.
I hate that I miss my ex, I hate that I hurt my boy, and I hate that my boy not gonna leave me even he knows this shit.
He's just a pure bucin at its finest.
That's makes me so freakin guilty to take this advadtage from him.
I don't even know why on earth he fall in love with me.
All of his ex-es are prettier than me (plus having more followers, and think they are all so damn rich)
But he chose me, the average girl who take soo long to move on.
Pity you, Rahmantul.
To be honest, my luvly boy has grown so much compared with the one I met on 2018.
I mean, of course he still fluffy and bouncy, but he tried his best to be my ideal type.
In 2018, he was only an average boy doing easy peasy at work, and talking too much.
Even my manager recommend another guy for me to date.
He easily angry with small things and open my phone, then getting angry even more.
It really took me a full year to finally open my heart to him.
As the time goes by, he learned so much and develop his own career and continue his edu.
U know he is getting better day by day, THANKS TO ME, HA!
And I was getting selfish, like "If I break up with him now, there will be a lucky girl who enjoyed my hard work"
So, I cannot let him go, because I invested so much on him.
Plus, his massage is a miracle, I love his squishy hand on my back so much.
But back to the first paragraph that I wrote.
Since I got into more serious relationship, seems like Rahmana is the only candidate for me.
He's like durian, some people love him so much and the rest hate him like hell.
Although durian has its spine, if you look inside, it just a juicy sweet fruit.
Just like Rahmana, this sweet and fragile little boy, who have so many insecury even before his 25, has more chance to get midlife crisis in his 40.
So, if I got married with hi, I'm so worried if I or my husband will have midlife crisis.
Here's some sign & symptom of midlife crisis :
You might said, well you're just on your 25, you have other 15 years ahead!
- Buying a Sports Car.
- Drastic Changes in Habits, Mood Swings, and Impulsive Decision-Making.
- Shifts in Sleeping Habits.
- Obsession with Appearances.
- Disconnecting from Old Friends, and Replacing Them with Younger Friends.
- Feeling Tied Down, with No Chance for Change.
But I feel like both of us is the type who will feel this pain even before 40.
I was like, do we both need to have someone who is more calm and logic to be save us through the crisis?
Is it really you for me, for my entire life?
And is it really me who will accompany you till your last breath?
But everytime I saw his bright smile on his quite-handsome-face, all these worries are disappear.
I'm not even thinking about my ex anymore.
Like "go to hell you evil spirit!"
And I will hug this fluffy creature, a mixture of doraemon and sinchan.
He was just magically lovable.
So to summarize all these bullshit I wrote during working hour (thanks to pricematch team),
I love my squishy boyfriend, but still have certain feeling about my ex.
Not sure if it was only the residue of our memories, or only my curiosity to get him back and enslave him as revenge.
I know my boyfriend will never be my ideal type, because ideal type is only a bullshit you got after you watch too much K-drama.
I also know I have so much weakness that I have to work on before I complained too much to him.
For you guys who have ambiguous feeling about someone, just don't deny that.
Don't force yourself to much to understand your feeling, and become stressful about that.
Just be honest with your own feeling, accept it.
And after you finally in peace, your brain can start working and helping you figure things out.
Cheers from me!
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